Thinkin' About Life

Last night I ended out 2009 working in the ER. New Year's Eve is typically crazy, but this was out of control. We walked in to an empty ER, only 4 patients....pretty quiet. But after 1/2 hour it got CRAZY!!! It started with a 17 year old gunshot wound. Followed by a non English speaking woman telling me "My baby is coming" (turned out to be in 6 months but still necessitated a lot of work!). Then a 51 year old gunshot wound to the chest. Then a near anaphylaxtic allergic reaction. And of course, a bunch of nausea vomiting and chest pain too.

The around 9:5opm, a man came to the window telling me that his daughter was in the car bleeding and she needed help. I went out to the car with a wheelchair and this very large (300+ lb) woman was screaming in pain. She said her lower abdomen hurt really bad and that when she went to the bathroom she started bleeding. She denied being pregnant. I asked when her last period was and she said December, but just by looking at her I knew she was in labor. We got her back to a room....insert a lot of gory details here....and there she delivered the tiniest little baby girl. We thought she was stillborn. She was probably about 7-8 inches long and weighed less than 2 lbs. She wasn't moving, wasn't breathing, and was blue. I brought her in a basin over to the sink and then I noticed she was starting to breathe on her own. Her chest was rising and she was moving and she was trying to cry. All I could think of was this:


And then this:

You see, this is my nephew Christian. In June 2004 he was born at 23.5 weeks gestation and weighed 1 lb 9 oz. No one thought he would live. He came so close to death so many times. We call him our miracle boy. Christian fought to stay on this earth. God wanted Christian on this earth. He is so sweet and so kind and just a joy to all who know him. And I knew that if this baby girl was fighting this hard, we had to give her a chance. I told the doctor "We have to do something". He agreed and we started reviving the baby. Now I had no earthly idea what I was doing, but I did it. Along with some other very awesome nurses and a great doctor. And one hour after her unannounced arrival into this world, that stillborn baby left our hospital to be transported to a NICU. And she was alive.

I don't know what God has in store for this little girl. She may not live beyond tomorrow. But tonight I heard that her lab work is normal and she is weaning off the ventilator. She is estimated to be 24 weeks gestation but the size of a 19-20 week gestation fetus. But I do know He wanted her to see 2010. And she did.

I have seen a lot of death in my 15 years of nursing. And I've also seen a lot of vegetative life. Most of the time, I would wish for death because I would so much rather be in heaven than a vegetative state stuck in an earthly body. But tonight I am thinking about life. And a new life that began with the new year. And I am praying for that sweet baby girl. May God protect you however He sees fit.

Worth the Wait

Every year I vow that it will be different. I vow that I will simplify Christmas and spend more time focusing on what Christmas really means. I vow that I will spend less money. I vow that I will enjoy the entire holiday season. And then December 25th rolls around and once again the biggest gift I opened up this year was a big box of EXHAUSTION! I felt like I worked non-stop until midnight on Christmas Eve. And the fact of the matter is that I did a whole lot less of my normal Christmas routine. I didn't bake at all until I made a half of a batch of cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve. I bought our Christmas dessert at the store! (Sorry Mom). We didn't even decorate our tree until December 19th!

So at about 8pm on Christmas night, I was a mess. I had one of the worst cases of Tired Grouchies ever. I wasn't enjoying the family. I wasn't enjoying the food. I wasn't enjoying the movie we were watching or the games we were playing. All I wanted was to go to bed. It was at that moment that my Superman of a husband noticed my demise and his superpowers kicked in. He told me to put Riley to bed and then head to bed myself. I had a little angst about this because the kitchen was a mess and the house was a mess and after all, it WAS Christmas. But I was in no shape to argue with him.

After putting Riley to bed, I crawled into my bed and read for awhile. I think I drifted off to sleep at the oh so late hour of 9:30. I think I heard JP come to be sometime around 3ish (the problem you face when you get a Wii for Christmas!) Somewhere around 7:45 the kids came into our room wanting us to get up and play Wii with them. JP diligently got up, shut the bedroom door and told them not to disturb me. The next time I opened my eyes it was 10:30! I didn't think it was possible to sleep that long! But it gets better. As I walked downstairs in search of coffee, I found JP at the kitchen sink cleaning up all the mess from the day before. The kitchen was spotless. My coffee was waiting for me. It was bliss. To top it all off, later that day he took all the kids skateboarding leaving me to myself to watch a new DVD I got for Christmas.

I'm telling you, it doesn't get much better than this. There is that song about a grown up Christmas list (world peace, health, all that good stuff), but nothing made the top of my list more than the TIME to recoup that my husband gave to me this weekend. It may have come after all the presents were opened and the turkey was served, but it was DEFINITELY worth the wait.

Welcome to the Family

As most of you know, our family expanded in July 2009 when God brought Angela and Tayshaun into our lives. I have not blogged a lot about them or our experiences for a couple of reasons.
1. Life with 6 people in the house is a BUSY one!
2. I want to respect their privacy.
3. I wasn't nearly prepared for the way that God was going to change our family through these two people!
That story in itself is so complicated and long, that I am not going to write it all out right now (but I promise I will!). Let's just say, that obedience to God has it's rewards. We have been so blessed by the addition to our family, that it is hard for me to remember a time before they were here.

Then last Wednesday, December 9th, God blessed us even more with the birth of another family member. The best part was that I did not have to be pregnant or give birth! Angela gave birth to Aaron David (yes that name is after my Dad!!!) on Dec 9th at 4:54pm. He weighed 7lb 6 oz and is absolutely beautiful.

It is so much fun having a new baby around. Especially since I don't have to be the one getting up in the middle of the night to feed him! Our lives have been changed forever. Welcome to the family Baby Aaron.

We're still here

I KNOW it has been a long time since I last posted. Once again, living life got in the way of writing about it! But I thought I'd give you the update of our fall in one quick blog post.

1. Halloween: We had a ninja, a forest fairy and a race car driver. All of the kids had a great time trick or treating and wonderfully enough forgot about their candy after the first few days. Into the trash it went!! Shhh...don't tell.




2. Riley turned FOUR on November 18th. I can't believe my baby is four. But in some ways, she is going on 14! She loves all things girlie (Barbies, ballet, dress up) but still finds time to wrestle with the boys. In fact, sometimes she's tougher than they are! She fell on the driveway two days before her birthday and ended up with a huge scrape on her nose. The photographer in me was a little more upset than the mom in me as I didn't want it to "ruin" her birthday pictures! But I guess we'll have good memories of life at 4!

3. Riley had a great birthday party at Third Coast Clay this year. We had about 9 kids with us painting Christmas ornaments (which I still need to go pick up!!!). They had a blast and worked so hard!



4. My parents came to visit for Thanksgiving and we had 16 people in our tiny little house! I think it was the best Thanksgiving yet! Lots of love and lots of food (JP made 15 lbs of his famous mashed potatoes!!).



5. Skateboarding has become a family sport around here (no not for me....but I'm sure that you had a good laugh with that visual!). JP and his skateboard friends have rented out a warehouse and built a ramp. So he can skateboard indoors whenever he wants now! John Mark has become quite good (he can drop in by himself from 3 1/2 feet if you know what that means!). And last week Riley got on the board for the first time. Today she is having "Riley and Daddy time" and they are at the ramp skateboarding. I think JP is in heaven with this one!




6. Angela and Tayshaun are still living with us. They are family to us now. The story is too extensive for a "quick blog update" but let's just say, God is good. Angela is due to have her second baby on Wednesday and I am so excited to be the "aunt". I get to be in the delivery room and not have to go through the pain of childbirth. What could be better! Here is her baby shower that we had yesterday. I am so thankful for my church family for honoring her and showering her with love.





Guess that's all for now. I have been waiting for the birth of this baby to get my Christmas cards out, but they are underway. I have a lot to keep me busy this Christmas season, but I am trying to focus daily on the birth of a King.

Me Today

I am borrowing this from another blog. This is me today.

Outside my window...the leaves are actually changing colors! It's not New England, but Tennessee in the fall has it's own kind of beauty. This is my 10th fall here to appreciate it. WOW!

I am thinking...about the fact that I really need to get the kids their Halloween costumes soon!

I am thankful for...coffee in the afternoon, Skyping with Kate in Italy, sweatpants, and the weekend.

From the kitchen...I'd really like to be creative here, but dinner tonight is going to be a scrounge around and see what I can feed the kids kind of night.

I am wearing...black sweatpants and my Police Tshirt. Makes me think of our trip to Seattle and makes me miss Emily.

I am creating...crocheted scarves lately. But tonight I am going to try and do a little scrapbooking. I REALLY miss it.

I am going...to have to go buy Pull-ups if I don't want wet sheets in the morning. Especially since Riley is spending the night in MY bed.

I am reading... The Heretic's Daughter by Kathleen Kent. It's our book club book this month. Loving it so far!

I am hoping...to get ALL of the laundry folded and put away this weekend...only to have to start all over on Monday.

I am hearing...Hannah Montana from the den.

Around the house...I see messes everywhere. But this house is lived in and loved in. That's what's important.

One of my favorite things..the scent of candles burning in my kitchen.

A picture to share...

Rescue

I have always loved Jared Anderson's song "Rescue". Yet the words, "I need you Jesus, to come to my rescue, where else can I go?" had new meaning while we were vacationing at the Gulf this past week.

JP and our friend Matthew had the boys out at the movies since the morning had started out cool and cloudy. But by afternoon the sun was shining and my friend Denise and I were sitting on the porch reading, the wind blocked by the house. A man walked up to our house and asked if we were the family with the kayaks (we had borrowed my in-laws two kayaks for the week) and I said yes. He then told us that one of them was in the water. We looked out and it was about 15-20 feet out. My gut reaction was to save the kayak! So I ran inside and threw up my swimsuit. By the time I got down to the beach the kayak was now out about 100 feet. Denise and I decided that was too far for me to swim. So I jumped into the other kayak to "fetch" the lost one. Well what I didn't think about was that the wind was blowing pretty hard out toward the ocean. So the wind took the empty kayak while I chased it. I finally caught up to it about 1/2 mile off shore! By now I realized that this was more of an undertaking than I originally thought. It took me about four tries of circling the empty kayak to actually hold onto it. Then I had to figure out how to bring it back! I tried to attach the cord on the end of the kayak to the side handle, which did work.....until I tried to turn the kayaks around. I got both kayaks aimed towards shore and took about 3 strokes before I realized that this was hopeless. So reluctantly I let the empty kayak go and drift out to see.

At this time, I kind of knew that I was not in a good situation. As I started to paddle back to shore, I realized I wasn't going anywhere. Actually, I was....I was going backwards, further out to sea. The wind was blowing about 15-2o mph in my face and the waves were beating up against the kayak and in my face. So I began to pray. Out loud. REALLY loud. I begged God to help me, to rescue me. I told Him that I was not ready to die today. I began to sing the chorus to the song "Rescue" over and over. And I paddled. Hard. I paddled and paddled even though I didn't think I could. I was not going to give up! I had a lot of time to pray and even though I could not really see an end to my journey, I felt at peace. I knew that God was with me. He wouldn't let me go, no matter how rough the wind and the waves. And they got pretty rough. I swallowed a ton of water as the waves splashed in my face. At times I couldn't open my eyes. But I kept paddling.

Meanwhile, on shore, Denise got to the point where she could not see me anymore. So she ran inside and called 911. The cost guard arrived quickly and spotted me with binoculars. They asked Denise if I was in good shape. I guess if round is a shape the answer would have been yes! They had a boat out in the gulf, but it was too big. If it approached me they said that it would swamp me. So they called for a smaller boat that had to come from the other side of the peninsula. JP and Matthew showed up after their movie to find a fire truck and ambulance with lights going sitting in our driveway. They find out what is going on and do what they can...stand there and watch me paddle. John Mark off course started crying (he's so sensitive!), but he was better once the coast guard showed me to him through their binoculars.

About an hour and a half after I started, I made it to shore. Actually the last 50 feet of the journey JP walked into the ocean to pull me to shore. My arms felt like jelly. My legs ached from the tension I had on them to balance the kayak. I was never so happy to be on solid ground. I declined any further help from the coast guard. My embarrassment level was high enough without enduring an unnecessary ambulance ride! I heard them calling over their radio that "they kayak has made it to shore". I guess that's me! They told me that at my furthest, I had been about about 1 1/2 miles from shore. They said that I was closer to the oil rigs (about 3 miles out) than I was to land. But I made it....by myself, WITHOUT a coast guard rescue.

So besides this being a crazy, scary, and frankly embarrassing story, I learned a lot that day.

1. Gut reactions are not always right.
2. Wind is a pretty powerful thing.
3. Jesus once again rescued me. LITERALLY speaking this time!
4. I can do more than I thought I could. Sometimes I feel like I am so overwhelmed; in fact drowning in all that is going on. I feel like there is no way I can come out on the other side. But I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! (Phil 4:13 has taken on a WHOLE new meaning!) I can do this!!

I think this is one of my most exciting stories to date. I guess that is why it took me a week to post it on my blog! But I thought my loyal fans (all 3 of you) would love to hear it!

The Mom Guilt Monster

There is this terrible little monster that lives inside every mom. It is the "Mom Guilt" monster. Some of us battle with it more than others. I really have never been one to succumb to guilt, but this week it got the best of me.

You see, JP is out of town. Not a big deal for all of you whose husbands travel every week or the wives whose husbands are serving in Iraq. But it seems that in the Robinson house, whenever JP leaves town, all heck breaks loose. These are the times the car breaks down, the washing machine goes, the kids end up in the ER. You know, easy stuff. So 2 hours after JP is on the road, a get a phone call from my friend Heather. She is supposed to watch my kids for part of the week so that I can work. Working nights is really tough on childcare when JP is gone because I need someone to watch them overnight while I work and during the day while I sleep. But Heather was all set up to do this and the kids were excited about it. But now Heather has the flu. Yikes. So I spent the next few hours rounding up places for my kids to go. All the while cursing JP for being out of town (not really him...the situation). And at the same time, I was at war with the Mom Guilt monster. I felt guilty for having to work and for choosing to work nights. I felt guilty about shuffling my kids around. Would they feel safe? Would they be okay without me? Guilt, guilt guilt. It's ugly.

Once I got my kids plans settled, I had to help find childcare for Angela over the weekend, since she was supposed to stay with Heather. She doesn't have a lot of resources, and since she is living with us, I felt responsible to her to help her figure it out. More phone calls, more guilt. Round 2 with the monster. But a plan emerged.

I worked Tuesday night and slept Wednesday during the day. Unfortunately I woke up in the afternoon to the text "Riley isn't feeling well, she's been throwing up." Great. Round 3 with the Mom Guilt Monster. So I ended up calling out sick from work, worrying how we were going to pay the bills without that paycheck (since I work prn I don't have sick time), and tending to my little girl who had been "suffering without me" all day.

Thursday morning she was feeling better and back to her "normal" self. We even got to run errands with her dressed as a princess. Man do you get a lot of attention when you do that! And then tonight I ended up taking my kids to my book club since I didn't have anyone to watch them and I really wanted to go. Of course that put us home at almost 10pm and them to bed way past bedtime. Round 4. Score: Mom 0, Monster 4. I am not having a winning week here people!

So now I am off to bed. I am officially ending this fight with the Mom Guilt Monster. He won. But I know in the end, I am the one who will be victorious. After all, I have a week at the beach just 32 hours away.....and there will be no monster in sight!