Me Today

I am borrowing this from another blog. This is me today.

Outside my window...the leaves are actually changing colors! It's not New England, but Tennessee in the fall has it's own kind of beauty. This is my 10th fall here to appreciate it. WOW!

I am thinking...about the fact that I really need to get the kids their Halloween costumes soon!

I am thankful for...coffee in the afternoon, Skyping with Kate in Italy, sweatpants, and the weekend.

From the kitchen...I'd really like to be creative here, but dinner tonight is going to be a scrounge around and see what I can feed the kids kind of night.

I am wearing...black sweatpants and my Police Tshirt. Makes me think of our trip to Seattle and makes me miss Emily.

I am creating...crocheted scarves lately. But tonight I am going to try and do a little scrapbooking. I REALLY miss it.

I am going...to have to go buy Pull-ups if I don't want wet sheets in the morning. Especially since Riley is spending the night in MY bed.

I am reading... The Heretic's Daughter by Kathleen Kent. It's our book club book this month. Loving it so far!

I am hoping...to get ALL of the laundry folded and put away this weekend...only to have to start all over on Monday.

I am hearing...Hannah Montana from the den.

Around the house...I see messes everywhere. But this house is lived in and loved in. That's what's important.

One of my favorite things..the scent of candles burning in my kitchen.

A picture to share...

Rescue

I have always loved Jared Anderson's song "Rescue". Yet the words, "I need you Jesus, to come to my rescue, where else can I go?" had new meaning while we were vacationing at the Gulf this past week.

JP and our friend Matthew had the boys out at the movies since the morning had started out cool and cloudy. But by afternoon the sun was shining and my friend Denise and I were sitting on the porch reading, the wind blocked by the house. A man walked up to our house and asked if we were the family with the kayaks (we had borrowed my in-laws two kayaks for the week) and I said yes. He then told us that one of them was in the water. We looked out and it was about 15-20 feet out. My gut reaction was to save the kayak! So I ran inside and threw up my swimsuit. By the time I got down to the beach the kayak was now out about 100 feet. Denise and I decided that was too far for me to swim. So I jumped into the other kayak to "fetch" the lost one. Well what I didn't think about was that the wind was blowing pretty hard out toward the ocean. So the wind took the empty kayak while I chased it. I finally caught up to it about 1/2 mile off shore! By now I realized that this was more of an undertaking than I originally thought. It took me about four tries of circling the empty kayak to actually hold onto it. Then I had to figure out how to bring it back! I tried to attach the cord on the end of the kayak to the side handle, which did work.....until I tried to turn the kayaks around. I got both kayaks aimed towards shore and took about 3 strokes before I realized that this was hopeless. So reluctantly I let the empty kayak go and drift out to see.

At this time, I kind of knew that I was not in a good situation. As I started to paddle back to shore, I realized I wasn't going anywhere. Actually, I was....I was going backwards, further out to sea. The wind was blowing about 15-2o mph in my face and the waves were beating up against the kayak and in my face. So I began to pray. Out loud. REALLY loud. I begged God to help me, to rescue me. I told Him that I was not ready to die today. I began to sing the chorus to the song "Rescue" over and over. And I paddled. Hard. I paddled and paddled even though I didn't think I could. I was not going to give up! I had a lot of time to pray and even though I could not really see an end to my journey, I felt at peace. I knew that God was with me. He wouldn't let me go, no matter how rough the wind and the waves. And they got pretty rough. I swallowed a ton of water as the waves splashed in my face. At times I couldn't open my eyes. But I kept paddling.

Meanwhile, on shore, Denise got to the point where she could not see me anymore. So she ran inside and called 911. The cost guard arrived quickly and spotted me with binoculars. They asked Denise if I was in good shape. I guess if round is a shape the answer would have been yes! They had a boat out in the gulf, but it was too big. If it approached me they said that it would swamp me. So they called for a smaller boat that had to come from the other side of the peninsula. JP and Matthew showed up after their movie to find a fire truck and ambulance with lights going sitting in our driveway. They find out what is going on and do what they can...stand there and watch me paddle. John Mark off course started crying (he's so sensitive!), but he was better once the coast guard showed me to him through their binoculars.

About an hour and a half after I started, I made it to shore. Actually the last 50 feet of the journey JP walked into the ocean to pull me to shore. My arms felt like jelly. My legs ached from the tension I had on them to balance the kayak. I was never so happy to be on solid ground. I declined any further help from the coast guard. My embarrassment level was high enough without enduring an unnecessary ambulance ride! I heard them calling over their radio that "they kayak has made it to shore". I guess that's me! They told me that at my furthest, I had been about about 1 1/2 miles from shore. They said that I was closer to the oil rigs (about 3 miles out) than I was to land. But I made it....by myself, WITHOUT a coast guard rescue.

So besides this being a crazy, scary, and frankly embarrassing story, I learned a lot that day.

1. Gut reactions are not always right.
2. Wind is a pretty powerful thing.
3. Jesus once again rescued me. LITERALLY speaking this time!
4. I can do more than I thought I could. Sometimes I feel like I am so overwhelmed; in fact drowning in all that is going on. I feel like there is no way I can come out on the other side. But I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! (Phil 4:13 has taken on a WHOLE new meaning!) I can do this!!

I think this is one of my most exciting stories to date. I guess that is why it took me a week to post it on my blog! But I thought my loyal fans (all 3 of you) would love to hear it!

The Mom Guilt Monster

There is this terrible little monster that lives inside every mom. It is the "Mom Guilt" monster. Some of us battle with it more than others. I really have never been one to succumb to guilt, but this week it got the best of me.

You see, JP is out of town. Not a big deal for all of you whose husbands travel every week or the wives whose husbands are serving in Iraq. But it seems that in the Robinson house, whenever JP leaves town, all heck breaks loose. These are the times the car breaks down, the washing machine goes, the kids end up in the ER. You know, easy stuff. So 2 hours after JP is on the road, a get a phone call from my friend Heather. She is supposed to watch my kids for part of the week so that I can work. Working nights is really tough on childcare when JP is gone because I need someone to watch them overnight while I work and during the day while I sleep. But Heather was all set up to do this and the kids were excited about it. But now Heather has the flu. Yikes. So I spent the next few hours rounding up places for my kids to go. All the while cursing JP for being out of town (not really him...the situation). And at the same time, I was at war with the Mom Guilt monster. I felt guilty for having to work and for choosing to work nights. I felt guilty about shuffling my kids around. Would they feel safe? Would they be okay without me? Guilt, guilt guilt. It's ugly.

Once I got my kids plans settled, I had to help find childcare for Angela over the weekend, since she was supposed to stay with Heather. She doesn't have a lot of resources, and since she is living with us, I felt responsible to her to help her figure it out. More phone calls, more guilt. Round 2 with the monster. But a plan emerged.

I worked Tuesday night and slept Wednesday during the day. Unfortunately I woke up in the afternoon to the text "Riley isn't feeling well, she's been throwing up." Great. Round 3 with the Mom Guilt Monster. So I ended up calling out sick from work, worrying how we were going to pay the bills without that paycheck (since I work prn I don't have sick time), and tending to my little girl who had been "suffering without me" all day.

Thursday morning she was feeling better and back to her "normal" self. We even got to run errands with her dressed as a princess. Man do you get a lot of attention when you do that! And then tonight I ended up taking my kids to my book club since I didn't have anyone to watch them and I really wanted to go. Of course that put us home at almost 10pm and them to bed way past bedtime. Round 4. Score: Mom 0, Monster 4. I am not having a winning week here people!

So now I am off to bed. I am officially ending this fight with the Mom Guilt Monster. He won. But I know in the end, I am the one who will be victorious. After all, I have a week at the beach just 32 hours away.....and there will be no monster in sight!